I've learned I'm...

When I was young, I was constantly told, “Amy, you are NOT your performance.”

For years I worked on having a good self-image no matter the reality that I was not the best at everything.

A few years after Scott and I got married, I was really struggling with the whole concept that I am not my performance.   I was mad at myself because everyone around me was better at one thing or another than I was.  Whether it was cleaning, cooking, shopping, yard work, getting their baby to sleep through the night, laundry, teaching, writing ads or having patience with their children.  Everyone seemed to be doing better at something than I was.

Scott pointed out that I take everyone’s very BEST quality and compare them to me.

That is a lesson I have had to learn and relearn over the years.

This past year I had to learn that lesson again.  I tend to say, “well, if so-and-so can be successful at blogging-photography-cooking, then why shouldn’t I be?”

Well, here is why so few people are able to be “successful” (in the order of importance, in my humble opinion)…

1. Luck

2. Being in the right place at the right time

3.  Knowing the right people

4.  Practice

5.  Skill

I’ve learned that I am not the best writer nor the best photographer.  But with practice, I am getting better at both.  Even if I were AMAZING at both, I’m not a “lucky” person.  (And that is because I don’t do well at seizing chance opportunities, creating positive self-fulfilling prophecies and I do not have a resilient attitude).

I write nearly every day because I love writing.  Not because I will ever be a “professional blogger”.  I love documenting my family’s life and sharing the lessons I’ve learned and the ways I’ve made the trifecta a reality in my home.  At the beginning of the year, I thought I wanted to be a “dooce” or a Ree or even a Nie.  (See my problem with comparing myself to others?)  Now, I have realized, the most important thing about my blog(s) is that I write because I love to and because it is an awesome documentation for my great grandkids.

My photography dream will also always be just that, a dream.  I wish I could spend lots of time developing my talent and building a wonderful business.  I look at Susan Stripling, Natalie Norton and Becky Earl with envy.  They are moms that have made their dream a career – a hugely successful career.  This year, I learned (or came to terms with) the fact that the chance for me to make a career out of my photography is not going to happen.  It is my hobby.  A hobby that I love.  I can photograph friends.  I can document the growth of babies.  I can take pictures of friend’s newborns in their first few hours of life.  I can capture parties and special moments.   But I will not be replacing my income.  I will not be flying all over the country or world capturing nuptials.  And I’m going to continue studying photography and learning all that I can.  Because taking picture makes me happy and it is one more way that I am leaving my legacy.

So, I am not my performance.  It is wonderful that I am not validated by how much money I can make doing the things I love.  In the end, what matters most is that my husband and daughters know that they are my world and nothing matters more to me than them.

**What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?